I’m sitting on my couch and have nothing to do.
It is more accurate to say that I don’t WANT to do anything because I’m depressed..
No, it’s also not a correct way to describe my situation.
Actually my life is great!
I’m 25 years old, pretty healthy (even if my lifestyle is not so much), I have loving family and many friends around the world, I visited many countries, saw amazing places and met fantastic people that gave me a believe that life is a gift.
Currently I have a very meaningful job in Columbus, Ohio (never thought that I will ever come here) that doesn’t make me reach, but gives me a lot of satisfaction from daily communication with people, constantly teaching and learning new things and freedom to do almost any activity that I want. In other words – a lifetime experience for Ukrainian Jew, who moved to Israel and now, after 3 years of military service and 3 year of education in university trying to figure out how life should be in the future.
But still I feel that something is missing in my life and for years I’m trying to figure that out. I had countless conversations with different people trying to understand. Used help of professionals, parents, and spiritual teachers to get any direction. Learned many techniques to get my life under control. And I achieved a lot, but still not enough. Still it’s not a whole. I call it quarter life crisis.
Maybe what is bothering me is an understanding that I’m leaving in a world that very sick and full of problems, injustice, ignorance and hypocrisy. And unfortunately, I as a single individual can not do much with that.. Or maybe I do, but I don’t know how. So the most natural conclusion is that I have to find my way to make this world a better place, at least for myself and for the people around me.
What is stopping me? What is missing to make it happen?
The missing part is creativity. “I am not a creative person”, that was my realization many years ago. Other version of the same frustration was “I don’t have any talent”. This basic fear that I can’t do anything original or unique ever left me alone. It’s coming from the simple question – “I learned a lot about the life, now what?”, like a student after a class that afraid to attend to the test because he thinks that he doesn’t know enough, but at the same time has a feeling that he spent endless hours in a classroom learning mind blowing concepts. Feeling of simple insecurity..
The need to create something in this world became a dominant need of my life. I need to make an impact. I need to change something here.
I decided to find the way to express my creativity (if there is one) to make my life whole. I definitely don’t know where it will take me, so basically this blog is a personal journey and the way to learn more about myself. I’m going to do so through analyzing my thoughts, learning from other people and events, experiencing the world through traveling and discovering the places around me.
And if you read this, please leave any suggestions that you feel will be helpful or any other constrictive feedback, including fixing grammar mistakes (English isn’t my native tongue).
